Friday, September 14, 2007

Who am I again?

Well. today I was sitting in class...thinking.

By the way: I am so happy and fortunate spend every morning at Endeavor Academy with the most incredible teacher ever: The Master Teacher. He is just so fun and pulls the rug right from underneath me. THANK GOD-I AM SO GRATEFUL. I don't want to get caught up in the past anymore.
I get up in the morning and here I am: hey, I have to get up, I got to take a shower, get dressed, make some tea and so on...I really take everything for granted-the bed, my hand, my reflection in the mirror and it feels sooo good to be eliminated. In a good sense. Why would I hold on to any belief about myself?-Its going to be proven wrong any minute anyway.
So, well. today I was sitting in class...thinking: I don't think I can be of any worth for anyone. First of all I am boring and second, who would want to use me for really important stuff I am just this complete moron fucking everything up that comes my way...and so on. Anyone familiar with this?
So, I don't know what to do, but I know this now is really getting nowhere. So, I turn to Jesus in my mind and look at him and let him judge me. He just gives me this really BIG grin and doesn't say a thing. I laugh out loud and remember that I just was caught up in time trying to make my own little world of misery and pain real. I am dead than really, or some of you would say not dead yet, but getting there fast. OOOh, well.
Thank God, I know what my job is: STOP figuring anything out. Just let it be changed for me and rest in God.
I love each and everyone of you!

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